SubscribeBack when I started with the Spanish Inquisition and was just a innocent dungeon Lackey, I always had a fleece pullover at hand to wear in summer because the dungeon temperatures were so low. The torture devices in the dungeon generated a lot of heat while operating, so they had to be supercooled to remain functional. As is pretty common in the Inquisition, the equipment in the dungeon was much more valuable than the bodies that ran it.
After a few years I was moved from the dungeon to the cellar of rats across the hall, since my particular set of Lackey duties had all but disappeared. It wasn’t quite so cold over in the cellar, but I still needed that pullover, particularly in the summer. Then the Monarchy decided they no longer needed a Cellar Lackey in any capacity and I was let go. My pullover went back to my closet to actually be worn in the winter!
A year went by and there was no Lackey work to be had. Then one day I got a call from an Inquisition jailor in charge of the rats in a different cellar and I again had Lackey duties to fulfill. It was a very nice cellar, actually, with windows that looked out to a brick walkway, but I could see sky and the occasional squirrel. It was quiet and comfortable, and I really didn’t need a pullover.
Then one day the Monarchy decided to gobble up a neighboring kingdom that hadn’t been doing very well, and room had to be made to accommodate all the new jailors and lackeys. All the torture devices were removed from the dungeon and put in the ballroom, my former jailor was demoted to Flunky, and the dungeon was freshly painted in anticipation for all the newly-conquered lackeys. Or so we thought, over in our cozy cellar. It turns out that the new lackeys were dispersed throughout the castle, and lackeys and rats from the various cellars were being thrown together to fight it out in the dungeon. This meant my nice cellar was abandoned for the dungeon where I started.
The torture devices were gone, so the already-cold air was now frigid without all that extra generated heat. Unfortunately the cooling system seems to have developed its own agenda and insists that dungeons are meant to be cold, torture devices or no. So here I sit, in my brightly painted dungeon, thinking, “So this is what Hell is supposed to feel like when it freezes over!”
My fingernails are blue and I hate the Spanish Inquisition.